She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
