Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
