yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
