don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
