sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
