She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
