Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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