Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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