I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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