Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
