Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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