I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
