I wish I could punch you in the face.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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