You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
