Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
