I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
