I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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