is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
