I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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