So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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