i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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