Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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