Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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