I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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