We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
