when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
