her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
