After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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