were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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