I heard we made out
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
