You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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