I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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