I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
