So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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