It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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