But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
