I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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