Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
