I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
