Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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