if you like me you must not know who I am
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the day after is always just damage control
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
