That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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