dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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