Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
