Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
