Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
