I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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