Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
