the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
