even my farts smell like vagina
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Randomize
