I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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