I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
