I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
im six kinds of drunk right now
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
